Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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