I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
