what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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