so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
