Small penises have feelings too.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dear god my vagina.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
