I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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