i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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