4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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