Soap is not a condiment
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
