Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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