whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
