Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
