in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
