you guys were way drunker than both of me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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