My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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