so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
