Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she looked like the before picture.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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