Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
