Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
