If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
