I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
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Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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