The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
