i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
