I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
