Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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