If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
