also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
