U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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