Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
