I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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