Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
