Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
