I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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