Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
