i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
