Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
