yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
