Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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