he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
