I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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