I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
