I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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