I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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