I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
