did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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