Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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