So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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