You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
