Dual....:-)
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
