I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
