I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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