I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i will never coherently bang her
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
