I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
