Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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