Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
