I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
