blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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