don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
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He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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