sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
