Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
