how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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