who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
