i'm signing you up for texting rehab
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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