did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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