I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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