Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have demons in me.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
