I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Text me some of your sweat
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