I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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