Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
