I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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