There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
