Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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