I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Jerry, you need to find god
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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