Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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