Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
