if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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