I want to make a zoo with you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
