i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
