Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
