I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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